Post Mon Feb 20, 2012 1:12 am

Mission Impossible: I’m Building a Mate!

By Temi K.
Ngo Okafor.jpg

Today my spirit is vexed o. Allow me please to vent for a minute. You see, the other day, I was having a conversation with a girlfriend of mine and she was telling me about how she is frustrated with her bobo all because he simply refuses to change into the man she can spend her life with. You see this my friend is constantly changing the requirements that the bobo needs to be with her; Such as -

He must call her often but not too much.
He must want to see her but not all the time.
He must kiss her well but not too seductively.
He must continuously wine and dine her because she refuses to cook.

…Can you imagine? PSCHEWW while other women out here are praying/begging/scouring/fasting for any kind of man to pay them attention, she has the nerve to complain.

You see all women have requirements and occasionally the requirements go as such: Tall, dark, handsome, well-groomed, well traveled, God- fearing, courageous, outspoken but not too bold, funny, sensitive but masculine enough to take out an entire army if need be. In addition to this, he must go to work and volunteer in his spare time. He must be considerate and surprise her with “just because I’m thinking of you gifts”. He must be a keeper of time. He dare not forget her birthday, anniversary of the first day they met, anniversary of their first kiss, anniversary of the first time he said “I love you”, anniversary of the first time he opened the car door for her and the list goes on. He must have multiple degrees so that she can brag about his success and be the envy of all of her friends. And most importantly, he must be a non drinker, non smoker, non curser, non clubber. He must not be easily angered, and must attend all church functions ; in fact he must camp out at the church parking lot the night before so that he will be on time for service in the morning.

In all honesty, we women are guilty of not only having unrealistic expectations in what a man should be but continuously changing those expectations based on our moods or feelings that day. Yes, as in magically, we should point our finger while saying “abracadabra” and he turns from a man with likes and habits of baba suwe to the charm, sophistication, that beholds the great Idris Elba/Barack Obama. No wonder a lot of the bobos out here are afraid of commitment. Who can blame them? They are never sure who they should be. Perhaps one week they should be charming like Will Smith, then another week be balling like Jay-Z, then another be funny like Steve Harvey and six months down the line be musically talented like D-banj. It is absolutely impossible to expect him to change day by day.

Okay, so you want him to go to church faithfully and be on time abi? No wahala, when you yourself only get to church in time to hear the pastor say his closing remarks and share the grace. Not to mention while you’re there you’re constantly checking your phone for text messages to see if there are any new comments on your photo/status on your social network page. You want him to be able to quote the bible abi? No wahala, when all you know is the Genesis and Revelations and you think the names Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego are luxury end cars. You don’t want him to drink or club abi? No wahala, but you forget that it is in a club you met him where he bought you and your friends drinks. Okay, so he should not curse but let someone bypass you without signaling on the road, the atrocity that will project from your mouth. Ladies please I beg of you to stop this nonsense and take it from a woman who has attempted and failed oh so miserably at this impossible mission. You cannot expect a man to have attributes and values that you yourself do not have nor can uphold. Remember, you get what you put out. Stop trying to change a man into something he is not or ready to be, you will only suffer yourself in the end and you may even end up with a life threatening condition called “chronic abandonment a la nagging”–a condition where a man leaves you each time due to excessive nagging.

So here are my final remarks. Not one person on this earth is perfect; therefore stop trying to alter your significant other week by week into what you think would be perfect. You see human beings have this characteristic of “what you see is what you get”. It’s like going into a car dealership buying a Camry and then getting home hoping/wishing/rain dancing that it will turn into Aston-Martin. It’s never going to happen. Know what you’re looking for in a mate and set your standards. Remember your mate is not your accessory to make you look good, he is your compliment. Be realistic. Accept nothing less than respect, loyalty, unconditional love, patience, and compassion in a partner.

Not defined by levels, classified by elevating heights.